親愛的、天上的老爸：
父親節的前一天，翻閱著有限的、斑駁、黑白的照片裡，儲存著父親您多少的、點滴的過往….
離開我們也近三個年頭了，這一天再次翻閱著這些翻拍的照片….過往似若幻燈片般，播放著…..
四川老家獨子的您，抗戰時期響應老總統的「十萬青年十萬軍」的號召，在奶奶的哭訴中離開老家，投入軍旅…抗戰勝利後，腰間款著配槍，與母親一道的衣錦還鄉、最後一班飛機偕同母親撤離北平，望著眼下的舊土、到兩岸開放探親返家攜回老家重修祖墳上的一把土….點點滴滴，總在您的嘴中反覆地訴說著，表達您對自己父母的思念….
每逢上下學時刻，您總踩著單車，跨坐在腳踏車後座的我…這麼的一幕…打從自己唸小學，甚至到了國中，每天您總騎著腳踏車，帶著我到學校上課。當時路途中視為嘮叨式的叮嚀，如今卻成為思念裡的一環。
每年過年前，年幼的我幫著您，一人一頭地扛著掛滿一串串香腸、臘肉，到二樓陽台曝曬。端著盆子跟著您到隔壁給人磨米漿，再抬回家至後院，以磨米的石磨壓制成做年糕的米糰。
一大清早，天還沒有亮，就跟著您趕搭從屏東開往台北的火車，去探望在台北唸大學的姐姐，火車開過淡水河時，窗外已是日落黃昏時分。運氣好的時候，會搭乘老母雞 C-119，坐在網狀的座椅，舒適便捷的來往南北。
新店碧潭河上，船夫划著木漿，一家人坐在船上遊覽、台中公園湖中亭前、每年過年習慣去相館全家合照….一直到我在多倫多住家後院…..
過往，隨時光流逝，此時此刻，讓時間停留在思念的氛圍裡，思念抹不去的美好記憶….
午夜夢醒時刻，腦海中的總是…當我探望您要離去時，您總是撐起衰老的身軀，緩步的送我到門口，眼神是那麼的溫柔、慈祥，如似一尊老菩薩般，跟我揮揮手，嘴裏叨念著…慢慢走呀、自己小心呀….
如今是那麼的遠而不可見….但卻仿若觸手而可及…..
縱然記憶裡的您是那麼地嚴肅，很少看到展現笑容的您，即便是老年後的霸道、總愛碎碎唸，有時無理的發脾氣….但是還是遮蔽不了，自己對您養育的恩情，內心存在的總是滿滿的懷念與感恩。
Rgds, 思念您的小駿敬上 2022，08.07
P.S. 出生在加拿大的保羅安卡（Paul Anka）出了不少知名的歌曲，其中又以1974 年唱的這首「Papa」最讓我喜歡。
老爸離開後，每逢父親節這天，同樣身為父親、子女不在身旁的我，習慣播放、反覆聽著，嘴裏輕哼著早已熟記的歌詞….內心總是百感交集…
Every day my papa would work
To help to make ends meet
To see that we would eat
Keep those shoes upon my feet
Every night my papa would take and
Tuck me in my bed
Kiss me on my head
After all my prayers were said
There were years of sadness and of tears
Through it all, together we were strong.
We were strong
The time were rough, but, Papa, he was tough
And Mama, she stood beside him all along
Growing up with them was easy.
Time just flew on by
The years began to fly
He aged and so did I
I could tell that mama wasn't well
Papa knew and deep down so did she, so did she
When she died, Papa broke down and cried
And all he could said was, "God, why her? Take me!”
Everyday he sat there sleepin'
In his rocking chair
He never went upstairs
because she wasn't there
Then one day my papa said
"Son, I'm proud of how you've grown
He said: “Go make it on your own.
And don’t worry, I’m ok. alone!”
He said: “There are things you must do; please you must see”
His eyes were sad as he…as he said goodbye to me
Every time I kiss my children
Papa's words ring true
He said: “Your children. They live through you.
And they'll grow. They’ll leave you, too”
I remember every word
My papa used to say
I kiss my kids and I pray
That they’ll think, think of me, that way…someday…
末端的這一小段
“Your children. They live through you.
And they'll grow. They’ll leave you, too”
是的…「你的孩子延續著你的生命，他們也將長大，並且也會離開你。」
再以這首歌思念我的父親，父親節這天分享與所有為人父為人子女者…
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